The Affectionate Expressions of Cats

Kristyn Vitale, an assistant professor in animal health and behaviour at Unity Environmental University in Maine, has spent the last decade debunking the myth that cats are antisocial.

A study she undertook in 2019, published in the journal Current Biology, examined the bonds that cats form with their human caregivers. Researchers observed each cat and their owner spending two minutes together in an unfamiliar room. The cat’s owner then left for two minutes before the pair was reunited. Like dogs and human babies, most cats demonstrated strong attachment: casting glances back at their caregiver for reassurance, acting stressed when their caregiver exited the room, then relaxing again when reunited. The researchers concluded that cats, like dogs, form an attachment bond with their human owners similar to that seen between a human parent and child.

Low-key Love Cues

“Each species has its own universal love language and its way of expressing it,” says Doaa Kat, a holistic pet trainer in Vancouver, BC. “Hugs and kisses are a universal love language for humans. Tail wagging and running toward us is a universal love language for dogs. The universal love language for cats is by far subtler affection,” asserts Kat, who’s also known as Catffeinated The Pet Mom. “A part of our role as cat parents is to be fully aware of our cat’s unique love languages and know how to reciprocate it.”

Veterinarian Carlo Siracusa provides a historical perspective on why cats’ cues can be harder to read than those of dogs. “Domestic cats have evolved from wild cats that are solitary animals,” says Siracusa, who is also the Chief of Animal Behaviour Service at the University of Pennsylvania. “Even though the domestic cat is a social animal, they did not evolve a sophisticated body and facial language for communicating with other individuals, as dogs did. This is why their social behavior relies a lot on more subtle gestures that are sometimes missed by humans.”

insonnia/Bigstock

Subtle Love Behaviors of Cats

According to Researchers & Behaviourists

#1. Staying Nearby Proximity is probably the strongest indicator of a cat’s affection. “Cats use distance versus proximity to express how comfortable they feel around someone,” Siracusa says. “They tend to spend more time close to their ‘preferred associates,’ aka best buddies, towards whom they also display more affiliative behaviors, like rubbing and grooming.”

Bailey Eagan, a PhD candidate at the University of British Columbia who studies animal welfare, notes that domestic cats have been maintaining close proximity to their preferred humans for a very long time. “Historically, in ancient Egyptian art, cats are often depicted sitting closely with humans,” she observes. “Behavioral progress for a cat might suggest that one day they’re comfortable with you at a distance of three feet, but the next day they might be relaxed enough to eat from your hand.”

This dynamic helps to explain why friendly feline faces were prevalent in online meetings during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. Housecats were sticking closely to their favorite newly housebound humans.

#2. Meowing Most pet owners don’t realize that adult cats rarely meow at each other. Linda Hall and Rita Reimers, certified cat behaviorists behind the 19 Cats and Counting podcast, explain: “When your cat meows at you, it’s a strong indicator of love. As they grow past kittenhood, cats don’t typically meow, and they don’t use meows to communicate with one another. It’s reserved just for us humans.”

Humans have become adept at interpreting these feline sounds. A 2014 study at Lund University in Sweden showed that listeners could accurately differentiate between meows recorded during feeding times and those recorded while waiting at the vet. However, humans often struggle to interpret the subtle methods adults cats use to communicate amongst themselves, which include scent, physical contact, facial expressions, and body language such as tail posture.

#3. Purring “Cats are subtle. They express love quietly,” says Olivia Kepner, a zookeeper in San Diego. “Compared to dogs, cats showcase affection through quieter means, such as purring and nuzzling.”

Eagan has conducted studies in animal shelters and notes that purring is quite rare in those environments due to the stress levels of shelter cats. While cats may occasionally purr in stressful situations, such as experiencing pain or fear, the soothing low-pitched rumble most commonly occurs when a cat feels content. Additionally, cats have figured out how to add layers to their purrs; a study from the University of Sussex in the UK revealed that domestic cats use a specific type of purr to solicit food, which is characterized by being less pleasant and more urgent than a typical purr. This distinct call essentially requests, “Feed me now.”

#4. Giving Slow Blinks One fascinating—but often overlooked—way that cats communicate affection is through the slow blink. Eagan refers to this gesture as “a cool, lovely, kind of secret messaging we share with cats.”

UK veterinary surgeon Daisy May explains, “When your cat slowly blinks at you, it signifies trust and contentment. It shows your cat feels good around you.” Unfortunately, since a slow blink is much subtler than a dog’s jumping, barking, or tail wagging, this small yet significant expression of feline affection can be easily overlooked.

GeekTechLive/Bigstock

#5. Scent Marking Cats use scent to mark their favorite humans. “When they nuzzle against you, they mix their scent with yours, which is a territorial sign of acceptance and belonging,” May explains.

Eagan concurs, emphasizing that sharing scent is a vital way for cats to express affection. “Head rubbing is a significant behavior. They utilize the scent glands in their cheeks, face, and flanks.” A cat’s gentle head-butting, also known as head-bunting, serves both to transfer their scent onto you and to seek your loving attention in return.

#6. Kneading Kittens knead to stimulate their mothers’ milk during nursing, and most cats continue this soothing act of “making biscuits” into adulthood. Though the reasoning behind kneading remains somewhat unclear, it may mimic the comforting sensation of being cared for as a kitten, create a soft resting spot, or serve as territorial marking. Eagan points out, “There are scent glands in their paws.” Regardless of the reasons, a cat kneading on your lap conveys trust, contentment, and love.

#7. Grooming Another expression of love is grooming their preferred humans and other house pets. Hall and Reimers explain: “Once a cat begins to trust you, they’ll give you slow blinks, rub against you to mark you with their scent, and even groom you to show you belong to their family.” This behavior is reminiscent of allogrooming (cleaning another member of the same species) that a mother cat does for her kittens, instilling self-cleaning habits, displaying affection, and strengthening their bond. Social grooming behaviors are observed across various creatures, including mammals (humans included), birds, fish, and even insects.

karamysh/Bigstock

#8. Bringing Gifts Anyone living with an outdoor cat has likely received a rodent or bird as a gift at some point. Daisy May explains the significance of such offerings: “Cats demonstrate care by sharing ‘gifts’ of prey; even if the deceased mouse on your doorstep isn’t exactly welcoming for us! It may not be pleasant for us, but for them, it’s a heartfelt gesture, signifying they consider you family and trust you.” In addition to sharing their food, your generous kitty might be trying to teach you how to hunt, a crucial survival skill in the wild. Viewed through this lens, that “gift” can be considered a loving act.

#9. Showing Trust Behaviors Hall and Reimers emphasize a critical distinction between cats and dogs: “Most cats aren’t quick to trust. A person must earn their trust and love. Dogs love and trust until given a reason not to, while cats withhold love and trust until given a reason to provide it.”

A loving cat will clearly exhibit this trust. “Each cat is unique. Like people, they may express love in different ways,” explains LeeAnna Buis, a Certified Feline Training and Behavior Consultant in the Pacific Northwest. “The primary indicator I look for is trust. If your cat demonstrates trust, it’s the best sign of love—whether it’s showing their belly, sleeping with you, or sticking close during stressful times because they feel more secure with you than by hiding away.” By exposing vulnerable areas or falling asleep on you, a cat showcases an extraordinary level of trust and affection.

#10. Playing One way to identify love behaviors in cats is to observe scenarios where such behaviors are absent. Eagan points out that shelter cats often exhibit minimal trust, comfort, or love. “What behaviors do we never see when cats are scared?” she asks. Scared cats often refrain from displaying any of the previous nine love behaviors and typically don’t engage in play. In contrast, loved cats will actively seek playtime with their owners. Playing promotes socialization and exercise, strengthens bonds, and keeps cats engaged and entertained.

5 Ways To Return Your Cat’s Love

Now that you can identify some of the subtle ways that cats demonstrate their love, it’s time to show them affection in ways they can comprehend. “Pay attention to your cat’s body language, their actions around you, how they communicate and look at you, and how they seek your company,” advises Doaa Kat, the holistic pet trainer. “Understand your cat’s personality, physical boundaries, and unique needs and wants, then respond appropriately.”

O_Zinchenko/Shutterstock

#1. Respond on Their Level

“Meeting them where they’re at” is how Eagan describes this. “The energy that they’re usually giving off is what you’re trying to match,” she advises. Get down on the floor with your cat, mimic their body language, return their slow blinks, and communicate in a cat-friendly manner. A 2022 study in the journal Animal Cognition demonstrated that cats react positively to their owners’ cat-directed speech, which is typically higher-pitched, much like how adults talk to human babies. Eagan also suggests frequently using your cat’s name, pointing out, “We have research showing that cats recognize and respond to their names.”

LeeAnna Buis emphasizes another crucial point: “The most important thing is to utilize your cat’s love language—not yours.”

#2. Respect Their Boundaries

Cats are quite adept at signaling their boundaries. “You might want to express love by rubbing their belly and showering them with affection, but your cat might not appreciate that. Consider what your cat enjoys and respect their limits,” Buis says. “Show your cat that when they give you a little affection, you’ll respond in ways they prefer rather than in ways that prompt them to squirm away. Cats prefer high-frequency, low-intensity interactions, contrasting with humans, who generally prefer low-frequency, high-intensity ones. So, keep it simple and don’t overdo it.”

#3. Provide an Appealing Home

Cats desire a calm, quiet home filled with cozy spots, scratching posts, climbing areas, and spaces that feel like their own territory. Eagan remarks that “they really appreciate routine and the ability to control their environment, including the freedom to leave when they please.”

Hall and Reimers also advise: “Ensure you have toys and cat trees available in areas where you spend your time—your cats want to be where you are.”

#4. Pet Them Gently

Hall and Reimers highlight the significance of gentle petting in fostering a loving connection: “A soft touch signifies to your cat that they can trust you, which is fundamentally important for love.” Petting involves sharing attention, exchanging scents, and reinforcing social bonds—plus, it simply feels good for both cats and humans.

Dora Zett/Shutterstock

#5. Play with Your Cat

Respond positively when your cat signals for playtime (or any other form of interaction). According to a 1991 ethological study by the Institute of Zoology in Zurich, interaction time is greater when the cat initiates the engagement than when the human does. To maximize playtime enjoyment, use a prey-like toy, such as a wand toy, for a few moments before rewarding your cat with treats.

Daisy May concludes, “Creating a calm home, respecting their space, and engaging in gentle play are essential means to reciprocate your cat’s understated yet meaningful affection. While different from a dog’s blatant expressions of love, comprehending your cat’s unique love language and accurately interpreting their subtle signals leads to a strong companionship.”

FAQ

1. How can I tell if my cat loves me?

Your cat may express affection through behaviors like staying close to you, purring, and slow blinking.

2. What does it mean when my cat brings me “gifts”?

When your cat brings you prey, it’s a sign of trust and affection—they see you as part of their family.

3. Why does my cat meow at me but not at other cats?

Adult cats rarely meow at each other; this vocalization is primarily reserved for communicating with humans.

4. How do I know if I’m respecting my cat’s boundaries?

Pay attention to their body language; if your cat is moving away or seems tense, they may need more space.

5. Are there specific types of play that cats prefer?

Cats often enjoy play that mimics hunting, such as using wand toys and engaging in short, interactive sessions.